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A Different Type of Promotion
- Unsigned
- Mar 4
- 3 min read
It’s been about 2 and a half years since I've sat at the computer and focused this hard on writing something "big" like a lesson plan or detailed email. This brings me back to my days as a student and then a full-time teacher.
My days were packed with organized (and semi-uncontrolled) chaos, quick lunches, room temp coffee by 11am, and that tiny rush of satisfaction when (IF) I finished grading the pile of papers. I had a title, a salary, and a reason to wear real pants five days a week. If someone asked what I did, I had a clear, confident answer.
Then I quit to become a stay-at-home mom.
People said things like, “You’re so lucky!” I smiled because I knew it was a privilege. But underneath that gratitude I felt panic about not knowing what the journey ahead of me would be like as a parent AND without knowing if or when I'd return to work.
The first Monday at home was weirdly quiet. No rushing out the door, bell ringers, or morning announcements. Just me, myself, and a brand new baby.
At work I could point to things and say, “I did that.” I taught kids a new way to solve a math problem or learn about a period in history. I administered tests and set up an entire classroom down to the tiniest of details. I saw growth in projects my students worked on and in their completed assignments. I got feedback after observations from my principal.
At home I fed the baby, cleaned the kitchen, started laundry, stopped mid-laundry because she needed me, and yet somehow by 3pm it looked like I’d done absolutely nothing.
The wild part? I had never been so busy.
The days blurred together at first. Feed. Change. Rock. Repeat. I’d look at the clock, shocked that it was only 10:34am. How was it not at least Thursday?
I missed adult conversations that weren’t about sleep schedules. I missed feeling competent in the way that I did at work- where I knew I was good at what I did.
At home, there’s no performance review or gold star for “keeping the tiny human alive.”
There were moments I’d scroll social media and see old friends I went to college with, getting promotions, finding new jobs or moving across the country. It was in moments like that I’d feel this knot in my stomach.
I wondered if I was missing out or if I chose “wrong.”
Everyone that has made comments like “You’re so lucky to stay home” doesn’t realize how staying home isn’t easier, it’s just different. There’s no clocking out, no sick days and you can’t say, “I’ll leave this on my desk and come back to it after the weekend.”
However, then there are the small things...
The way she reaches for me like I’m the most necessary person in her world.
The first wobbly steps I got to see in person.
The way we take slow walks just because.
The midday cuddles.
There’s just something special about being present for all those ordinary moments. It might not be the same feeling that comes from an email "shout out," end of year award, or being on the receiving end of a "best teacher" ornament or mug, but it does feel...good.
I stopped telling myself that this was a pause on my "reality" or a step backwards because that just didn't feel right. I started thinking about it as how I can use my strengths a bit differently now. I still manage, guide, teach, and coordinate. Not to mention I’ve learned WAY more about patience, resilience, and myself in this role than I ever did before being a mom.
Do I miss my old job sometimes? Absolutely. I miss the feeling of having structure and freedom at the same time. I also really miss the community. In fact, maybe one day I will decide to return to the type of work I had before this work.
For now, I remind myself that I am happy to not be missing out on these small moments with my little one. This work I’m doing every day is hard work, fulfilling work, and to me, it's the kind of work that is worth missing out on PTO.
-Unsigned
Resources for Stay at Home Moms & Parents:
National Maternal Mental Health Hotline, call or text 24/7; 833-943-5746
Parents Stress Line, call 24/7; 800-632-8188
Postpartum Support International, call or text; 800-944-4773
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